October 2015

This month is dedicated to understanding the negative power of sarcasm and how it can make even the best of teams lose trust and respect!

I coach dental teams nationwide and often see sarcasm as a normal form of their communication! It seems so innocent when we refer to it as “just teasing”! Yet it is one of the quickest ways to lose trust and respect amongst the entire team. I often receive calls from dentists concerned that they have lost the trust and respect of their team. I have found the biggest culprit most often responsible is the sarcastic banter between them and their team.

When asked about sarcasm I often hear, “It’s just how we communicate! We tease each other in fun!” The problem is it’s not really fun…it’s negative. Often times a team member doesn’t realize when they have crossed the line. After all they are just teasing…it’s all in fun right??? The truth is sarcasm shuts down positive and effective communication!

I would like you to think about this for a moment. How do you feel when someone says something sarcastic to you and ends it by saying just teasing! Does it ever plant just a tiny seed of doubt? Do you ever think…hmmm…I wonder if they really feel this way? I wonder if they really meant it. The moment we have this thought we start to doubt and immediately start to lose trust and respect. We say sarcasm is in fun! But really who is having fun? Usually only the teaser not the teas-ee!

I try to look for reasons why someone may feel insecure when they speak to me in a sarcastic tone.  Some people use sarcasm as a way of avoiding confrontation because they are afraid of asking for what they want.  Sarcasm can also be passive aggressive or a way to dominate someone.   Others use sarcasm as a disguised barb when they are angry or upset because the are fearful of what might happen if they communicate openly and honestly.  When people are not good at reading those around them, or uncomfortable carrying on a conversation they will often use sarcasm hoping it sounds playful and witty.  Unfortunately it often has the opposite affect.

The dictionary defines sarcasm as the use of irony to mock, insult, ridicule or convey contempt! How is this in any way a positive form of communication! How does sarcasm in any way help build happy, healthy and high performing team relationships? So why do we support it as an appropriate form of communication? Many dental practices do! Does yours?

Sarcasm is not only hurtful, it is also the least genuine mode of communication.  The bottom line is sarcasm is a very negative and destructive way to communicate. It sabotages and undermines trust and respect and the chance to build a happy, healthy and high performing culture.

My challenge to you and your team is to stop the sarcastic remarks and start communicating openly, honestly and respectfully!